Pre- return to work animal sacrifice, also known as a ritualistic burning of animal flesh.

So tonight we had the flat's first BBQ. I think it went even better than the flat's first Christmas Roasting of Baby Animal before Christmas. there is something so very relaxing about a bbq. it's as if you're saying - I may not love my life, but i shall bbq and eat animal flesh with my friends regardless. Fairy,Gong Boy, Mein Herr & Mr Wookie were all in attendance, as well as myself. It was the perfect way to spend my last evening as a free woman; although i'm not convinced I was ever or will ever be without some sort of limitation... Anyhow, that's another gangrenous mental wound entirely, and not fitting for a beautiful evening spent laughing with good friends. I wish all evenings could be like this.

One thing though - i did notice the abscence of Another...he is a world away but we still have pauses in conversation that previously would have been his to fill. We miss the Dark horse alot; and i often wonder what he is up to...

So tomorrow is the first day back at work for me in this new year; i am almost itching to go back if only to get the initial nausea over with. I know this time is going to fly and we will all be propelled into another winter before we know it; i only hope it's not as long as the last one seemed. I have alot of doubts about this year; what decisions i'm going to make, how i will go being on my own for part of it, whether or not i will be firm about decisions that will benefit me. I hope i have the nads to do the right thing by myself for once. Fingers crossed.

I've inserted an image with tonight's post; i took this picture while in the old Hometown for Christmas. There is an old road near my house where i used to walk with my mother when i was a child. I went back there alone one evening when dusk was seeping into twilight. The road was absolutely quiet; you could almost hear the day sighing as it died. I could smell baked grass and earth and parched tarmac; these distinctive scents that took me back to my childhood, where there was no 'corporate world' or 'tax effectiveness' or 'rental agreements'. On this walk i felt as close to God as i have in a long time; i felt as if he/she walked ahead of me on this road, and i followed ancient footsteps. It was a silent moment that this feeling of well being took over me, and i decided time was a ridiculous magic trick that only fools believe in.

I think, for about half an hour, i stopped being a cynic....interesting.